What I didnt expect.

I asked on a forum of a website where there is always supportive people.
I got pinned right to the spot like I was being held by gunpoint against the wall.
I dont understand why people dont understand.
If i want to be happy, I make myself happy, and eventually make the other people happy.
I know I sound pretty damn stupid but its true.
I got basically bullied online by someone I dont know.
They said It was my fault because I broke up with him, said it was my fault that hes mad at me because I did it online.
When you're in a hurry and in such an emotional wreck, theres no time to think anything through until after the damage is done.
But Im happy.
Why cant people just let me BE happy?
-Tayn

People places and Things

I tried to do something that was good for me
I ended up being sad because I saw the people around me a different way to what they actually are.
When YOU break up with someone its because you think its whats best for you.
And if you think that
Its true.
Why cant people accept that you're tryna help yourself?
We spend so much time looking out for others that we dont take the time to look at outselves, and how we could be slowly on the verge of breaking.
I know that because that was me.
I looked at myself every night tryna drift off to sleep.
I looked at myself through glass, and someone on the other side just kept tapping and tapping until cracks shattered the whole glass and I was left in the wide open.
I was left to realize myself while everyone was still staring at me and judging my every stupid move.

Once when I was around 10 I thought I liked a guy, and I thought it was true love and all.
I didnt understand what love is, All i know is the example of my parents.
They may not say anything big but theyre there just somehow giving you the safe feeling.
(Although me and my mum arent really the best to get along with)
I dont think Ive ever loved anyone
I dont think Ive ever liked liked someone.
I think I was desperate for attention.
Im too young for this I want to focus on what Im suppose to be doing with myself, not with everything else that involves others.
I havent been caring about myself so long that I didnt realize until yesterday that Im not getting anywhere.

-Tayn

So Today I thought

Last time I spoke about what I wanted to do.
And it wasnt just one of those things that blow off overnight.
With exploring, I would need a camera and I can fiddle around with my reasons with dad,
because after all exploring does get me out of the house and he'd be pleased to go travelling.
But I also wanted a keyboard.
I had one but it got melted after the house burned down a few months back and we were too busy replacing everything else so I didnt realize how much I actually missed it.
With wanting to go to a music college and studying music for the next four years at school I figured that I should continue with learning an instrument incase the music college I apply for by then doesnt allow vocal scolarships anymore.
Ive agreed this year to do Drama outside and inside of school, and Ive taken the class upwards so it doesnt interfere with my soccer training (which I currently only have 1 day of a week unless the tryouts go well eee)
I am partially excited for this year and school should be alright .........
even though my social population in that class is probably like two
but I guess it helps me get my grades up and thats always a good thing (Plus I can pay for the things with the money I get from my report or awards)

I better stop thinking its gonna be amazing,
because Ill probably somehow let myself down...
BUT ANYWAYS have you ever had something you just wanted so achieve so bad, or something that you could reach out and grab, but your arms are too short?
What the?

-Tayn

Desicions

I recently had a strike of "life change" Where you realize what you want to do, who you are.
I tend to find something 2nd best and stick with it sorta never thinking about stepping up for the best things because Im too afraid to look up. Alot of things we cants succeed in like we need money, support or all that jazz.
Today
I broke up with my boyfriend
Realized that I will change schools mid year.
And will take the oppurtunity to travel (I was offered)
I realized I want to take photos
I realized I want to play my music and one day go off to the music college of my dreams.
Being 13
Apparently Im too young to think about my life
But im too old to not care about it.

Which brings me to here.
I have soccer try outs for a huge northern club
But all break Ive been sitting around indulging in food because
tumblrs here and yeah..
So im not sure If I can keep up with it anymore
My dad wants me to start running, which yeah sure but where do I run, living in a suburb where its like "everyone can see you and everyone knows you." And personally Im not comfortable around people when in the wide open by myself in some place that is just made for a stroll up the street.
In fact some place YOU SHOULDNT BE LEFT ALONE
And school
A bus full of crowded people
Fun.
You literally have to sit in a seat made for two people with two or three other people
I dont have alot of friends who go on there
and a majority of my friends go on there ...
So that freaks me out a bit because
Im not one bit social.
And everyone says it to my face "You're so unsocial."
So? I like being alone.

But when I got struck by this "Life change" I figured.
1. Be happy
2. Be true to yourself (even if it means not to anyone else)
3. Escape

Sometimes I feel like I want to grow up because theres so many oppurtunities
I know it sounds horribly stupid but the oppurtunities.
And the time it takes to get there from such a young age.
I wasnt really a person of waiting.
-Tayn